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|854||2016-10-09||Bambi & Kinky||Madehurst Houghton Forest||SU997105|
This was by far, and by any measure, the best hash of the year – if not the century. It had everything: perfect countryside, perfect length, cunning falsies, a little shiggy, two handsome hares... (And that’s why you don’t normally get a hare to write the trash on his own trail...!) And, furthermore, having arrived home from a world tour the previous day, grabbed together some flour and left home before dawn to help lay a trail I’d had no part in planning, I could be forgiven for failing to bring my notepad and pencil and therefore made no notes of the run... and that’s why I’m padding the report out with this rubbish!
This is what I remember... The weather had definitely turned a little autumnal although dry and some sunny spells. Sixteen hashers made it to the start and the pack set off into the forest eager for the game. A seemingly willing army of front running b***s (that’s “blokes” of course... (or if you’re female, “babes” is the PC version, I believe)) delighted the hares by checking out every false trail. Foremost in this category were Pancsi, Prancer, Hairbrush, Dr Blood, Flash and Sinbad.
As is Bambi’s habit, the trail never used a footpath if a deer track was available, and never used a deer track if a rabbit run could be pressed into service, so after a few check points the pack was quite disoriented. Perhaps that’s why the pack checked out so many unlikely falsies? Even when the hares had helpfully laid a number of closely spaced blobs on a corner of the trail Pancsi could be seen checking out the in another direction.
One of the reasons why there are so many rabbit runs in Houghton Forest is because many of them have been made not by rabbits but by mountain bikers. We came across several said bikers which could have led to some lurid accidents for me to report (“hasher hurt by hurtling Hercules!”), but sadly they seem to be a very courteous breed of bikers these days and they politely waited for us to clear the track before they ploughed through.
We had an obligatory fish hook which caught Flash, Prancer and Vixen. Vixen was over the moon to be caught on this fish hook – it was a clear demonstration she was now an elite front running b*** (see § 2). I’ll be interested to see if she is still so delighted after she has been caught a couple more times.
Well over half way through the trail the pack was suddenly joined by Splasher, Snake Charmer, Jones and, of course, Belle. This is not the first time Splasher has been navigationally challenged on the way to a hash but it’s possibly the latest they have arrived. They managed to catch the pack by following the excellent arrows the hares had thoughtfully laid until they heard the pack calling along the in-trail.
Some minor mumbling began about time getting on and the length of the falsies – a couple of them caught nearly all the pack! ... Result! But soon enough we were all back at the motors. In the circle Bambi disloyally blamed his co-hare Kinky for the long falsies (huh, that’s the thanks I get). But there were more deserving sinners: Pancsi for failing to join up the dots and checking out so many false trails; Splasher, obviously, for notorious navigation; Canman for talking in the circle. But heinous as that crime is, Canman actually got the hash-it for his performance on one of the rabbit runs. It was a particularly steep section and many hashers had already struggled up it. At the suggestion that the way to attack it was with a fast run-up, Canman and Dogwhistle lined up to try it. Canman went first with Dogwhistle bringing up the rear. Unfortunately Canman faltered short and Dogwhistle did literally almost bring up his rear – a fate not to be contemplated.
On-on to the Spur and the weather was now just about warm enough to enjoy our well earned refreshment in the garden.
On On! Kinky