Run 501 April 27th 2003 - Fairmile Bottom - Jan Bambi and James Whispers

Hash lesson number one: when you know an area really well you can work out where you are going and it will therefore be an easy hash - WRONG!
This became a hash of bluff and double bluff all morning.
The day started badly as under rain laden skies we gathered at the fairmile car park. bambi and Whispers said that they had not encountered anything unusual on this occasion but the news that CHI H3 was descending on the place for a hash probably made even the weirdest people run for cover. Just to add to confusion the JM handed us over to the hares who told us that there was a pack of cards laid around the course and when you find a good hand keep it as the best hand would win a prize. We were told that in the event of a tie the prize would go to the man with the most powerful car or the woman with the biggest knockers. So, the intellectual reputation of the hash was maintained.
We were set off to find the trail and after some of us went in completely the wrong direction others found the true trail leading along the bottom of the hill. However at the next check the hares generosity finished and we were up, up and away (albeit at a very slow crawl). There were cards to be had on the upward crawl though and at the next check a puffing pack sought out the trail. Some of us who knew the wood well went in the direction the trail should have taken but bluff - it jinked back to the right. A couple of more checks and we were treated to the sight of Mussolini turning up late again. So into the depths of the woods. The hares were obviously enjoying themselves watching us run around in circles when we were sure we knew where we were. They just stood and smirked at each check. The trail led us off into the depths and to the steepest hill we had encountered to date - even the Chamois had to walk this one, and the rest of us just plodded slowly upwards. On we went in the wind and the rain. Mussolini and Pancsi were bounding along when Pancsi dropped his cards. Mussolini was on them like a shot and stole the vital Ace. A small tussle ensued after which Mussolini returned the cards only for Pancsi to find that he had switched it for a lower value card!!! Well done that hasher! However at one point there was The Eskimo, Pancsi, Mussolini and your Humble Scribe following a trail to be confronted by a strange sight - 5 spots laid in a square with one in the middle. A check with the arms kicked out? - a falsie that had been tampered with and spots added? - alien intervention as in crop circles? We did not know so back to the pack we went.
The trail led us up hill and down dale (well thats not true as in hashes it only ever goes up) until finally a check where we began to smell the scent of chariots. So scurrying through the undergrowth we came to the last check until we heard On In called and then finally downward to the car park. There then followed an undignified process of finding out who had the best hand as chocolate prizes were awarded and then yours truly received the hashit for designer stubble. Is that fair? Especially as the next hash is at Queen Elizabeth park with those big hills and carrying it will be hard work. Never mind such is hashing.

Humble Scribe